erastês and erômenos

Athenian men were not homosexual in the sense that they were sexually attracted only to other males, although there were such men just as in our society. Robin Waterfield¹  suggests that the term ‘homoeroticism’ more accurately describes Athenian males, who were sexually attracted to both other males  (homoeroticism) and women (heteroeroticism) and generally viewed both forms of love as equally normal.

Adult males (erastai = 'lovers') sought sexual and romantic satisfaction among boys in their teens (erômenoi = 'the recipients of love'), but not because these young males were feminine in appearance.  In fact,  just the opposite was true.  The younger male was expected to follow a code of behavior that is taught to girls these days, i.e., not to be sexually aggressive, to resist sexual advances, and not to give in too easily.  When a boy did finally give in, he was not expected to have any active involvement in sexual intercourse, but merely to be a passive recipient (anal and intercrural²  intercourse).  These relationships between men and boys in their teens were not merely sexual.  They typically involved close friendship and mentoring of the younger by the older in the matters of social behavior and ethics.

Athenian society in general tolerated this homosexual relationship and excused it with a wink, if it did not violate the bounds of decorum (e.g., sexual aggressiveness and promiscuity on the part of an erômenos or carrying on this kind of affair after the boy had become a man and/or after the older male had married).  On the other hand, among the wealthy Athenian aristocracy, the romantic association between erastês and erômenos was idealized and positively encouraged. Socrates³ was attracted to teenage boys, as is evident in this encounter with Charmides in a palaestra⁴  (Plato, Charmides 155 d):

[Charmides] gave me such a look that I was helpless…and all those in the palaestra gathered around us in a circle, then indeed, my good man, I saw inside his [Charmides’] cloak and I was on fire and no longer in control of myself.

At that moment it came to me that Kydias [a poet] was wisest on the subject of love who, speaking about a handsome boy, advised someone to beware of coming as a fawn into the presence of a lion and being seized as his portion of meat.  For I myself seemed to have been caught by such a creature.

And yet Pausanias, the lover of the poet Agathon, defending those who wallow in sexual indulgence, has said that the most powerful army would consist of boys and their lovers.  For he said that he thought that they would be especially ashamed to abandon each other, a surprising point of view, if those who as a matter of course are not concerned about what people think and behave shamelessly toward one another, would be reluctant to do anything shameful.

Notes

1. Translator of Plato: Symposium (New York 1994) xv.  Return to text.
2. 'Between the thighs'. Return to text.
3. Socrates himself was not wealthy, but his personality and philosophy gained him many friends and associates among rich aristocrats.  On the other hand, Socrates was not poverty-stricken as is sometimes claimed.  He was able to afford hoplite armor, which put him in the Athenian middle class. Return to text.
4. The palaestra or 'wrestling school' was an educational facility in which combat sports were taught to boys.  It was also a social center where men gathered for conversation and to be near their erômenoi. Return to text.